I am the biggest loser of a mom.

I can't believe it - I am so mad at myself. What started out as a pretty good day has turned sour.

I signed Brooke up for swimming lessons. We're going to Hawaii in December, and she's only had one round of toddler lessons at about 18 months of age, so I want her to learn some more and get some skills under her belt. I feel really strongly about this. So I stayed up until midnight to sign her up for the particular class I wanted, paid a lot of money, and then got really angry at the city recreation people who wouldn't let me sign up for Level 1 and then Level 2 consecutively. They told me she has to pass level 1 before I can sign her up for Level 2, even though that means about 3-4 months lag in between classes which I think is downright idiotic. I said I didn't care if they charged me for Level 2 even if she didn't pass Level 1, with a smug confidence that she will of course pass Level 1. I hung up in a huff because they said no exceptions.

Well fast forward to last week, the first lesson is on Tusday. Guess who screws up and forgets completely? Yep. I recently switched from a hand-written date book calendar to using my Blackberry calendar, and apparently I am having some "transition trouble" to say the least. I was so furious with myself for missing the first class.

Second class: last Thursday. The only appointment I could get for Jack's 15 month checkup was one hour before swimming. So I planned ahead, took Brooke in her swimsuit with clothes over it, got to the dr. office 15 minutes early so we could be out of there on time, etc. After all that planning, we were STILL 10 minutes late to her 30 minute swimming lesson. I was all sweaty and out of breath when we rolled into the pool, dragging heavy Jack and trying to find which group of kids was her class. She got in the pool and barely paid attention - distracted by water toys in a basket next to the pool, kept jumping out, walking away from the group in the water, etc. Very embarrassing. The whole time I was wrestling Jack (literally) because he wanted to get down and run, which I obviously couldn't let him do in the pool area. The whole experience was awful and stressful. I had to have a "chat" with Brooke afterward about paying attention, etc.

So that was Thursday. Today, another lesson. And guess when I remembered it? At 3:55 (our house is 20 minutes from the pool.) So we missed it AGAIN! I cannot believe it. I am so not THAT person, the one who shows up late, misses commitments, etc. It's killing me. And even if she has perfect attendance from here on out, we're going to be out of town next Thursday, so she will miss at least 3/8 lessons which is TOTALLY unacceptable! At this rate, she probably will NOT pass the test at the end.

I know that in the grander scheme of things this is not a big deal, but I am really beating myself up. We were sitting here in the family room doing nothing of consequence at 3:30 today when we should have been getting in the car. I could just scream I am so frustrated with myself. After her distracted performance on Thursday last week, I am not looking forward to her lesson on Thursday - she'll be miserably behind, probably just as wacky and paying no attention, and the Jack Wrestling Show will go on as scheduled for 1/2 hour. Why do I do this to myself?! And poor Brooke is mising out on the chance to learn to swim because I can't get my act together.

Uggghhhhhhhh.